Labeled Reading Journals

Priscilla Laguna

ENG 2105

Dr. Gill

LBH pg. 72

9 September 2021

“The Best Writing is Re-Writing”: 5 Drafts, 1 Tutorial (Jason Leclair), 1 Mentor (Tanner Thomas), 2 Teacher Conferences

(Provocative Title) The Effective Paragraph: A Gem of the Written Language

       (Unity/Topic Sentence) In reference to page 72 of The Little Brown Handbook, an effective paragraph can be compared to a gem exhibiting its full glory when all its facets —unity, development, and coherence— have been polished. (Adequate Development/Body) To begin with the first facet, the purpose of unity is to clearly state the main idea in a single topic sentence rather than having the reader guess the argument. In this way, the reader can trace back the details presented in the body sentences to the topic. Once a foundation has been established, the second facet is the development, or the fleshing out of the thesis. This development is accomplished by providing clear and logical evidence such as statistics, anecdotes, and testimonials that support the main idea. Finally, coherence requires that the flow of sentences should not be choppy, such as the waves on a stormy night; rather, they should be similar to the smooth and calm waters in a bay. The paragraph serves as a series of chain links that interconnect by transitional phrases, parallel structure, and use of repetition. (Coherence/Conclusion) Putting these three facets —unity, development, and coherence— of the effective paragraph into practice results in an invaluable gem.  

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Priscilla Laguna

ENG 2105

Dr. Gill

LBH Pt. 1 Evidence/ Pt. 2 Fallacies

13 September 2021

“The Best Writing is Re-Writing”: 1 Draft, 0 Tutorial, 0 Teacher Conference

(Provocative Title) Evidence and Fallacies: The Land Mines of Argumentative Writing

(Unity/Topic Sentence) Writing sages Fowler and his colleagues discuss in The Little Brown Handbook the criteria for weighing evidence and the tell-tale signs of fallacies in argumentative writing. (Adequate Development/Body) First of all, argumentative writing is the art of persuasion. The writer may vie to convince the reader to agree with their opinion or encourage the reader to respond to a specific call of action. One of the three main elements that form an argumentative essay is evidence. As the backbone of a claim made by the writer, evidence should be specific and provide a solid foundation for the argument to stand on. Types of evidence include facts, statistics, examples, expert opinions, and appeals to readers’ beliefs and needs. Examples include historical accounts and personal experiences. To illustrate, a writer advocating for better customer service at Starbucks may relate his or her past experiences of unfair treatment at several Starbucks franchises. An appeal to readers’ beliefs or needs may have the writer relying on parents’ concern for their children’s future to use as support for why students should earn a college degree. When critiquing an argumentative essay, some questions to ask oneself about the quality of evidence presented are is the evidence accurate, relevant to the topic, sufficient, or specific enough? Having a diversity of cited sources that are pro, con, and neutral to the writer’s argument allows a greater chance for the reader to be persuaded by the argument. Switching to a less appealing aspect that may be found in some argumentative essays are fallacies. These fallacies are errors in argument that affect the writer’s credibility. Readers need to feel the writer’s sincerity by not taking notice of any attempt to distort facts. Once a fallacy creeps onto the page, immediately, warning signs flash in the reader’s mind, “Danger! You are experiencing manipulation.” Fallacies fall into two categories: evasion and oversimplification. Evasion implies the use of tactics to stray the reader from addressing the real issue of an argument. For example, a red herring, or change in the subject, involves the writer bringing up an irrelevant issue to distract the reader from questioning their reasoning. Another is ad hominem where the writer focuses on attacking the person by highlighting his or her negative traits rather than stating the error in the person’s argument. The second category of fallacies, oversimplification, sets out to hide the complexities of an argument. The either/or fallacy presents the reader with two choices or solutions to a problem when really there are more factors to be considered. (Coherence/Conclusion) All in all, an understanding of the ins and out of effective use of evidence and the avoidance of fallacies contributes in making a successful argumentative piece of writing.

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Priscilla Laguna

ENG 2105

Dr. Gill

Minh Lee

1 September 2021

“The Best Writing is Re-Writing”: 4 Drafts, 1 WC Tutorial (Alyssa Ottman), 0 Teacher Conference

(Provocative Title) The Role of Written Communication in Career Success

 

(Unity/Topic Sentence) Minh Lee’s letter serves as a caution to students who are non-English majors and have a hard time believing that the pen is mightier than the sword when it comes to the top skills that employers have on their list. (Adequate Development/Body) He had to learn the hard way that written communication is the key to a successful career. Before when he was an engineering student, he viewed an English class as a foe more than a friend. Something that had to be done in order to concentrate on the classes that pertained specifically to his major. After graduation, his first job entailed more technical skills than writing; therefore, his perspective on writing remained the same. Four years later, his colleague received a promotion, not for being a better engineer than Lee; rather, it was because he excelled in communication abilities. In the present situation, he holds a higher position than when he started, but he now reaps the consequences of his poor choice of not endeavoring to see the importance of an English class. Whether he must write a report or a memo, he describes the writing process as “painful and frustrating”. In an effort to alleviate the aggravation, he takes a written communication course four hours a week. Although it may seem tedious, Lee views the course with a different mindset than when he was younger; it is a life-long investment. (Coherence/Conclusion) The truth of the matter is that learning to master the art of the written word is essential in all professions; a tool that, sadly, not many take advantage of.

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Priscilla Laguna

ENG 2105.17

Dr. Gill

EFL Writing Guide Assignment

6 September 2021

“The best writing is re-writing”: 1 Drafts, 0 Tutorials, 0 Teacher Conference

 

Review: "Some Basic Definitions"

1. Explain the difference between a Subordinate and a Main Clause.

First of all, a clause consists of a group of words that contain a subject and a verb. A subordinate clause fulfills this requirement with the addition of a subordinating conjunction preceding the clause. This makes the clause dependent or unable to stand on its own as a sentence; it must be connected to a main clause. On the other hand, a main clause can be a sentence on its own because it has no subordinating clause.

1. Write an original example of a Main Clause.

I went swimming at the beach.

1. Write an original example of a Subordinate Clause.

Since it was my day off.

 

Review "Correction Symbols" with original examples

 

1. Explain and illustrate "agr."

This symbol means there is not an agreement between one or more of three possible word pairs: an adjective and the noun it modifies, a verb and its subject, and a pronoun with its antecedent.

Ex: To synthesize alcohols, there is a variety of reagents that can be used. (verb and subject faulty agreement)

In this case, the verb “is” should be “are” since the subject “reagents” is plural.

1. Explain and illustrate "ap."

This means that either an apostrophe is needed or should be taken out. Apostrophes are normally used in a contraction or to show possession.

Ex:  Each computer has it’s own charging cable.

There should not be a contraction here (it is or it has); instead, there should be the possessive pronoun “its” without the apostrophe.

1. Explain and illustrate "awk." (See "awkward" in The Little Brown Handbook for discussion and illustrations.)

Awkward sentence structure put simply means that the sentence does not sound right. If you read it out loud and find yourself stumbling over the words or pausing because you get thrown off, the sentence most likely has an awkward structure. It may need to be simplified or worded differently.

Ex: I put on a hat to cover my face along with sunblock and a pair of sunglasses to protect my eyes from the sun.

A better way would be to write, “I use a hat, sunblock lotion, and a pair of sunglasses as protection from harmful UV rays.”

1. Explain and illustrate "coh."

Coherence is one of the qualities of an effective paragraph. In order to have a smooth flow, there needs to be some type of connection between sentences. The best way is to use transitions.

Ex:  I covered the cake in frosting. I decorated it with edible flowers and rock candy.

These two sentences sound choppy as if there was an abrupt change without anything to prepare the reader for the next detail. A better way would be to start the second sentence with a transition such as “In addition, I decorated…”

1. Explain and illustrate "cs."

A comma splice is when two main clauses are put together by simply putting a comma. This is grammatically incorrect. There are three ways to put two main clauses together: make them into two separate sentences, join them using a semicolon, or join them using a coordinating conjunction and a comma before it.

Ex: I practiced French with my roommate, my pronunciation improved.

These two clauses can stand on their own, so they can be joined by a semicolon in place of a comma or with a coordinating conjunction like “so” after the comma. A third option would be to separate them completely.

1. Explain and illustrate "frag."

A subordinate clause acting as a sentence on its own falls under sentence fragments. Another example is a group of words with no subject, no verb, or both.

Ex: When Sally fell from her bed.

The use of the subordinating conjunction “when” makes this a sentence fragment.

1. Explain and illustrate "FS."

A fused sentence is when two main clauses are joined together without the correct punctuation. This is related to comma splice.

Ex: I turned toward the lighthouse I saw a figure.

There are two main clauses in this sentence. They can be separated into two sentences or join by a semicolon or the coordinating conjunction “and” with a comma before it.

1. Explain and illustrate "//."

An absence of parallel structure disrupts the rhythm of a sentence. It is like a sore thumb that stands out from all the rest. Instead, the words in a list should look uniform with the same ending or tense.

Ex: At the park, we played soccer, paint a picture, and ate delicious food.

All the verbs are in past tense except “paint” which is in present tense. In order to make it parallel structure, “painted” should be used instead.

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Priscilla Laguna

ENG 2105

Dr. Gill

Syllabus

5 September 2021

“The Best Writing is Re-Writing”: 1 Draft, 0 Tutorials, 0 Teacher Conference

(Provocative Title) The Journey of a Developing Rhetor

 

(Unity/Topic Sentence) This English course on written reasoning consists of writing, researching, and debating on social contemporary issues in a collaborative learning environment following the model of Aristotelian classical argumentative rhetoric. (Adequate Development/Body) Now is the time to elevate from the basics taught in high school English to the sophistication of college writing. Each student will learn to find their unique voice as a writer who takes to heart the class mantra, “The best writing is rewriting.” Compared to other classes, all assignments are to be turned in an e-portfolio the week before finals week on Thursday, December 2nd. The syllabus outlines the requirements of the e-portfolio which include best rewrites, scholarly sources, works cited, and class notes. Each piece of writing should include changes made by suggestions through peer editing, peer mentoring, LRC tutoring, and teacher conferencing. Besides the labeled reading journal paragraphs, there will be two argumentative papers based on two topics chosen from a list given by Dr. Gill. A future Zoom session will consist in teaching the students to use the library’s pro and con data base for their research; nine articles that support the student’s stance and three sources that support the opposing argument. A total of two exams will be given. The midterm assesses each student’s understanding of the 10 key terms with an oral presentation and a research paper. Additionally, the final exam is the culmination of Aristotelian method of argumentation with an in-class written assignment divided into the introduction, concession/refutation, and summation. A quote included in the syllabus perfectly encompasses the whole scope of this course, “Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists.” (Coherence/Conclusion) By creating a safe and secure environment, students have no need to fear expressing what they believe to be real or true as long as they have the evidence to support it.  

 

Priscilla Laguna

ENG 2105

Dr. Gill

Unit 1, Lesson 1

20 September 2021

“The Best Writing is Re-Writing”: 1 Draft, 0 Tutorials, 0 Teacher Conference

(Provocative Title) Unfurl Your Sails and Join the ENG 2105 Class Tribunal

            (Unity/Topic Sentence) The first lesson in Unit 1 of the ENG 2105 course introduces the developing rhetor to mechanics and policies of the class. (Adequate Development/Body) The course consists of four units. Each unit contains subdivisions called lessons that outline each task required for completion of the unit. Specifically, Lesson 1 directs the developing rhetor to the class homepage where Dr. Gill has explicit instructions on how to introduce oneself on one’s e-portfolio website. The assignment involves a type of self-reflection called an autoethnography; a detailed explanation of how the developing rhetor has evolved into the individual he or she is today based on their experiences in a certain community, group, or culture. The final task in Lesson 1 is to read the syllabus and write a labeled reading journal based on its content. (Coherence/Conclusion) The simple but direct instructions given in Lesson 1 serve as a guide to help navigate the incoming developing rhetor through his or her journey in ENG 2105.

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Priscilla Laguna

ENG 2105

Dr. Gill

Homepage

20 September 2021

“The Best Writing is Re-Writing”: 1 Draft, 0 Tutorials, 0 Teacher Conference

(Provocative Title) A Man is Known by the Company He Keeps

            (Unity/Topic Sentence) Each developing rhetor must include a homepage in their          e-portfolio website in which he or she introduces him/herself in an autoethnography. (Adequate Development/Body) In general, ethnography is the study of an individual or a group of people based on their culture, traditions, language, and characteristics. Their actions, as well as their spoken language, give insight to their values and understanding of the world around them. Similarly, each developing rhetor will conduct an evaluation of how and why he or she is the person they are today. This self-reflection is accomplished by describing a certain community, group, or culture that has influenced the developing rhetor’s life. Through word choice, figurative language, and narration, the activities or traditions taken place in the community, group, or culture are illustrated to give the reader a general idea of the factors that influenced the developing rhetor. Next comes the analysis. The developing rhetor should conduct a self-examination on how this group, community, or culture gave him or her goals to work towards and a sense of identity. As a narrative, the reader should be able to feel as if he or she is the confidant to the developing rhetor’s innermost thoughts and feelings. A few more additional requirements include a quote from Derek Bok’s article, a previous homework assignment, and a quote from the developing rhetor’s favorite philosopher, book, or author. (Coherence/Conclusion) By following Dr. Gill’s rubric, in addition to the guidelines outlined above, each developing rhetor’s autoethnography will have something to rave about.

 

Priscilla Laguna

ENG 2105

Dr. Gill

Syllabus

5 September 2021

“The Best Writing is Re-Writing”: 1 Draft, 0 Tutorials, 0 Teacher Conference

(Provocative Title) The Journey of a Developing Rhetor

 

(Unity/Topic Sentence) This English course on written reasoning consists of writing, researching, and debating on social contemporary issues in a collaborative learning environment following the model of Aristotelian classical argumentative rhetoric. (Adequate Development/Body) Now is the time to elevate from the basics taught in high school English to the sophistication of college writing. Each student will learn to find their unique voice as a writer who takes to heart the class mantra, “The best writing is rewriting.” Compared to other classes, all assignments are to be turned in an e-portfolio the week before finals week on Thursday, December 2nd. The syllabus outlines the requirements of the e-portfolio which include best rewrites, scholarly sources, works cited, and class notes. Each piece of writing should include changes made by suggestions through peer editing, peer mentoring, LRC tutoring, and teacher conferencing. Besides the labeled reading journal paragraphs, there will be two argumentative papers based on two topics chosen from a list given by Dr. Gill. A future Zoom session will consist in teaching the students to use the library’s pro and con data base for their research; nine articles that support the student’s stance and three sources that support the opposing argument. A total of two exams will be given. The midterm assesses each student’s understanding of the 10 key terms with an oral presentation and a research paper. Additionally, the final exam is the culmination of Aristotelian method of argumentation with an in-class written assignment divided into the introduction, concession/refutation, and summation. A quote included in the syllabus perfectly encompasses the whole scope of this course, “Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists.” (Coherence/Conclusion) By creating a safe and secure environment, students have no need to fear expressing what they believe to be real or true as long as they have the evidence to support it.  

 

 

 

Priscilla Laguna

ENG 2105

Dr. Gill

Ryan’s Example of Ethnography

20 September 2021

“The Best Writing is Re-Writing”: 1 Draft, 0 Tutorials, 0 Teacher Conference

(Provocative Title) A Look into Ryan’s Character Through the Eyes of Mr. Birdie

            (Unity/Topic Sentence) Ryan’s autoethnography presents a narrative between Ryan and his pet cockatiel, Mr. Birdie. (Adequate Development/Body) The first paragraph of the autoethnography has Mr. Birdie reiterating through repetition and specific evidence the outstanding qualities that form Ryan’s personality: a meticulous, methodical, and committed human. As his caretaker, Ryan makes sure to refill his water and food supply each day. In addition, each week Ryan replaces the corn cob and newspaper in Mr. Birdie’s humble abode. These actions prove that Ryan is indeed meticulous, methodical, and committed. These small things serve as a reflection of the bigger things such as any school, work, or personal responsibilities that Ryan may have in his life. The reader perceives a tone of honesty in Mr. Birdie as he admits that Ryan has his shortcomings, specifically for not being creative in naming his pets; nevertheless, his deep appreciation and love for Ryan make up for those imperfections. After Mr. Birdie’s testimonial, the baton is passed on to Ryan. He fills in the blanks by explaining how he obtained these qualities in an organization called Navy Junior Recruit Officer Training Corps (NJROTC). The people who formed part of the NJROTC became his family all throughout his years in high school. As a result of all the training, community service, and participation in competitions, Ryan learned to hold in high esteem the values of honor, courage, and commitment. Additionally, he realized that hard work and sacrifice are necessary to achieve his goals. Personally, I liked his analogy of his commanding officer demanding him to look up from the ground as a manifestation of reality. One must live life with their eyes focused upwards towards the present and the future rather than looking back down, stagnant in the past. Lastly, Ryan quotes Bok to express the importance he puts on taking this English course, “If you think education is expensive, try ignorance” (Bok 1991). In the end, all the effort, time, and money that Ryan has spent taking this course has taken him closer to achieving his goals. (Coherence/Conclusion) Overall, Ryan’s autoethnography provides a window into the secret person of the heart that adorns him from the inside out.

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Priscilla Laguna

ENG 2105

Dr. Gill

Unit 1, Lesson 2

20 September 2021

“The Best Writing is Re-Writing”: 1 Draft, 0 Tutorials, 0 Teacher Conference

(Provocative Title) The Ins and Outs of ENG 2105

            (Unity/Topic Sentence) The takeaway from Lesson 2 is that to be the best writer, one must learn, or read, from the best.  (Adequate Development/Body) Sometimes reading can be tedious, especially if it is not one’s favorite thing to do, but developing reading techniques may help lessen the burden. This class consists of three types of reading assignments: textbook chapters, articles, and essays. For each reading assignment, a labeled reading paragraph journal (LRPJ) must be written to summarize the reading content. This helps the student to analyze and check his or her understanding of the information read. In addition, the journals can be seen as mini practice for the longer formal writing assignments that are soon to come hereafter. Please take note that most of the student’s time should be spent on their writing assignments. If a student feels overwhelmed by the reading, he or she should focus their attention on the writing. Both the reading and class discussions are meant to enhance the developing rhetor’s ability to form ideas and opinions that can be used in their writing; therefore, any questions or activities at the end of textbook chapter are not required but are good practice. In reference to the class discussions, each student is expected to lead a discussion of their own on the online Student Directed Discussion forum. A discussion is started when a student poses an open-ended, critical thinking question based on the assigned reading. In turn, each student must reply to the question and reply to another student’s response. Lastly, as the class mantra goes, “the best writing is rewriting”, so each student will have their fair share of errors and corrections for each writing artifact. A documentation of these writing edits will be kept in an editing log. Both Dr. Gill and the student can view it in retrospect of the student’s development as a rhetor throughout the semester. (Coherence/Conclusion) Active participation in the reading assignments, journals, and class discussions will ensure a passing grade in this class.

 

 

Priscilla Laguna

ENG 2105

Dr. Gill

Reading Techniques

20 September 2021

“The Best Writing is Re-Writing”: 1 Draft, 0 Tutorials, 0 Teacher Conference

(Provocative Title) Become a Smart Reader, Not a Fast Reader

      (Unity/Topic Sentence) The web article Reading Techniques provided by Dartmouth College gives a list of methods that can help a student to become a more efficient reader.  (Adequate Development/Body) The first is called the SQ3R method. The five steps outlined are survey, questions, read, recall, and review. To give a brief description of the overall method, it encourages the student to first skim through the titles, subheadings, and summaries of the reading material to gain a general idea of the writer’s main point. Each subheading should be turned into a question so that the student can be attentive in looking for the answer while reading the information under the subheading. For example, a physics textbook may have a heading that says, “Electric Potential of a Line of Charge.” In this case, the student should ask the question, “How do I calculate the electric potential of a line of charge?” Basically, these questions help focus the attention of the reader on what is essential instead of being distracted by all the filler details. Immediately after reading, the student should try to say in their own words the gist of the article, and then look back at their notes to make sure nothing was left out. The second tip for reading is a tool called Read&Write. This application offers a variety of features to enhance one’s reading experience from reading text aloud to a dictionary that provides both the definition and a visual image to any unknown words. Another great technique is to vary one’s reading rate. Just like a driver may press on the break while navigating a dark or unknown road, a reader may slow down their reading pace if he or she comes upon an abstract idea or an unfamiliar word. On the other hand, if the reader is already familiar with the material, one can skim through the reading at a faster pace and skip any information that is irrelevant to the one’s purpose for reading. In continuation of the driver analogy, prepositional words and conjunctions serve as traffic signs that inform the reader of what to expect on the road, or passage, ahead. To illustrate, time words such as afterwards, before, and ultimately help the reader keep track of any chronological timeline presented in the reading artifact. (Coherence/Conclusion) Whether one is studying or trying to keep up with a profuse amount of reading assignments, these techniques may aid in reading comprehension.

 

 

Priscilla Laguna

ENG 2105

Dr. Gill

Student Directed Discussion Assignments

20 September 2021

“The Best Writing is Re-Writing”: 1 Draft, 0 Tutorials, 0 Teacher Conference

(Provocative Title) Teacher of the Week

      (Unity/Topic Sentence) In order to encourage active student participation and to help develop ideas for formal writing assignments, student directed discussions have been designed for the students and by the students. (Adequate Development/Body) Each week, the lessons covered contain references to reading assignments in the textbooks or essays. Rather than having a quiz based on the reading, it is more effective to have a discussion on the main concepts covered. Each student is expected to lead one of these discussions at least once during the semester for the duration of one week. The steps needed to begin a discussion are to first talk with the lead TA about the questions the student has come up with. Once confirmation has been obtained, under the Student Directed Discussion forum, the student will pose their question by identifying the issue presented in the reading, explaining the details of the issue, and asking for feedback from the rest of the class. Each posted question must contain in the subject line the student director’s last name, the lesson from where the reading was taken from, and the topic of the issue. In turn, each student must answer the prompt and give feedback to at least one other student response. There may be more than one student lead discussion each week. Although it is not required to respond to every single one, participation is weighed heavily in this class; thus, each student should respond to as many as possible. The student director’s job does not end after he or she has posted the question. In fact, the student director should monitor the other students’ responses and give feedback to the majority to keep the discussion alive. At the end of the week, the student director should write an evaluation discussing what they learned from the postings and give a numerical evaluation for each student’s participation based on the rubric displayed on the class website. (Coherence/Conclusion) All in all, the hope is to have fun this semester in sharing and receiving each other’s opinions on topics presented in the weekly readings.

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Priscilla Laguna

ENG 2105

Dr. Gill

Unit 1, Lesson 3

1 November 2021

“The Best Writing is Re-Writing”: 1 Draft, 0 Tutorials, 0 Teacher Conference

(Provocative Title) Farewell Unit 1 and Salutations to the Ebonics Essay

(Unity/Topic Sentence) The goal of Lesson 3 is to make sure you, as the student, has read and gone over all the resources provided to carry out the autoethnography assignment. (Adequate Development/Body) The lesson encourages students to read the corresponding textbook pages of chapters 4, 7-9 of Everything’s an Argument and chapters 1-4 of The Little Brown Handbook. In the previous lesson, students were asked to evaluate and give a grade to the four sample student essays. Now, the student’s responsibility is to reply to someone else’s evaluation in the discussion board. After both a rough and final draft, or best rewrite, are completed along with a Writing Center tutorial, Dr. Gill suggests skimming through the upcoming modules and lessons. As an extra credit opportunity, students can prepare early for the Ebonics essay by visiting a Writing Center tutor for advice on how to organize, search for resources, and develop the essay. Proof of evidence requires that the student write a paragraph relating how it went and what kind of advice the tutor gave. Additionally, a stamped receipt with the tutor’s signature, the rough draft of the essay, and an editing log should be presented to Dr. Gill during class. (Coherence/Conclusion) Once the steps outlined above are completed, the student will be well on her or his way to achieve the next writing assignment, the Ebonics essay.

Priscilla Laguna

ENG 2105

Dr. Gill

Sample Paper Handout

1 November 2021

“The Best Writing is Re-Writing”: 1 Draft, 0 Tutorials, 0 Teacher Conference

(Provocative Title) Learning by Example

      (Unity/Topic Sentence) Upon careful analysis of each of the four sample papers, students can apply the techniques or avoid the mistakes made. (Adequate Development/Body) The first paper focuses on the rhetor’s support for Megan’s Law, which helps protect children from sexual offenders. Although the paper contained a few misspelled words, the overall structure of the paper was well organized. Each body paragraph went into detail to explain why Megan’s Law is beneficial to society. The third paragraph contained the opposing argument, but the rebuttal was not clear or easy to identify. Overall, this paper might be grades as an A paper. The thesis of the second paper states that parents should focus their time and energy into loving and raising their children. The writer developed three reasons to support the main idea: children who do not receive the necessary attention from their parents experience negative consequences, children can benefit from copying the good example put by their parents, and children need to have a place where they belong and feel safe. The type of evidence used comprised of mostly statements that served to make the reader rationalize and the writer’s personal testimony as a parent that applies the reasons given. The structure of the essay included an introduction, reasons that supported the thesis, and a conclusion. One quote was included in the conclusion with the author’s name, but the citation was not in MLA format. A copious number of personal pronouns were used and common misspelled words were sprinkled throughout the paper. Based on this evaluation, this paper might be given a C grade. The paper with a B grade is entitled, “Vlad the Impaler”; it is an essay that gives a detailed description of the story behind the creation of the infamous “Dracula” novel. According to the writer’s investigation, “Dracula” is loosely based on a Romanian prince from the 15th century. The writer sequentially relates the unjust childhood of the prince up until his quest for revenge and his eventual downfall. The writer’s unique voice can be seen throughout and gives the essay a personal touch. For example, word choice and imagery help the reader to visualize the prince’s wrath and inhumane enjoyment in torturing others. Quotations signifying phrases taken out of an outside source did not have any type of citation that indicated where the writer got the information from. A few grammatical errors were present, but they did not disrupt the flow of the paper too much. The last paper on oral hygiene, unfortunately, would receive the lowest score of a D or an F. The writer advocated for the readers to take care of their personal hygiene. The writer’s support for this main idea was that a clean mouth can prevent the occurrence of serious oral diseases. Most of the evidence provided included the personal experience of the writer as a dental assistant. The body paragraphs of the paper need to be more developed; there was lots of misspelled words, unnecessary spaces, and awkward sentence structure. (Coherence/Conclusion) In preparation for the Ebonics essay, these sample papers give students a general idea of what Dr. Gill expects to see in their essay.

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Priscilla Laguna

ENG 2105

Dr. Gill

Reading Journal on Video Model Presentation

21 October 2021

“The best writing is rewriting”: 1 Draft, 0 Tutorials, 0 Teacher Conference

(Provocative Title) Learning by Example

(Unity/Topic Sentence) In preparation for the pop quizzes and oral exam midterm, Dr. Gill provided a video of Priscilla Laguna’s model on how to speechify the application of the first constituent element of Aristotelian classical rhetoric. (Adequate Development/Body) One observation made is that it is imperative to have the reading journals of the pro and con resources and the prewriting steps done before writing the introduction paragraph. These two assignments should also be shown to the collaborative tribunal as evidence that one has completed the necessary research and brainstormed on the writing topic. As for the order in which they are presented is as follows: thanking Dr. Gill for inviting the rhetor to the podium, tribunal greeting, credit line, reading journals, prewriting steps, introduction paragraph. Each rhetor is expected to explicate in their own words the reasons for completing the reading journals, prewriting steps, and the three functions of the introduction paragraph. During her speechifying, Priscilla looked directly into the camera, spoke with voice fluctuation for emphasis, and used hand gestures. After reading her introduction paragraph, Priscilla concluding by asking the collaborative tribunal their judgment on her introduction paragraph as either outstanding, satisfactory, or needs improvement and thanking the tribunal for their attention. (Coherence/Conclusion) By studying and practicing Priscilla Laguna’s model presentation, all developing rhetors will be prepared for passing the pop quizzes and midterm exam. 

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Priscilla Laguna

ENG 2105

Dr. Gill

Pro #1 Journal

29 September 2021

“The best writing is rewriting”: 1 Draft, 0 Tutorials, 0 Teacher Conference

Wickizer, Tom, et al. "More mental health care won't stop the gun epidemic, new study suggests." Gale Opposing Viewpoints Online Collection, Gale, 2021. Gale In Context: Opposing Viewpoints, link.gale.com/apps/doc/TGBUTL501395993/OVIC?u=los53368&sid=bookmark-OVIC&xid=e70898c4. Accessed 19 Oct. 2021. Originally published as "More mental health care won't stop the gun epidemic, new study suggests," The Conversation, 7 Oct. 2019.

Key quote: “One factor unique to America stands out—the widespread availability of guns. […] Estimates indicate over 390 million guns are owned in the U.S. by approximately one-third of the nation's population, which amounts to 120.5 guns owned for every 100 persons in the country” (Wickizer et al., para. 7).

(Provocative Title) Investigating Gun Violence from a Bird’s Eye View

            (Unity/Topic Sentence) Professor Tom Wickizer and his colleagues at Ohio State University conducted a research project to investigate the correlation between gun suicides and the availability of healthcare workers in each American state. (Adequate Development/Body) They began by establishing the fact that most gun violence in the United States comes from gun suicide rather than mass shootings. Usually when people hear the term suicide, they may automatically link it to mental illness. Wickizer and his colleagues set out to either prove or disprove this popular reasoning by comparing data from the CDC and other government agencies about gun suicides and the availability of healthcare in each state. Their findings led them to the conclusion, that the causes of gun suicide are more complex than just the issue of limited mental healthcare resources. They suggest a variety of solutions for decreasing gun violence in general such as strengthening gun laws and conducting more research to unearth the real cause behind frequent shootings in America. (Coherence/Conclusion) All in all, Wickizer et al. advocate for more action from the government both at the state and federal level in order to address the issue of gun violence.

 

 

Priscilla Laguna

ENG 2105

Dr. Gill

Pro #1 Journal

18 October 2021

“The best writing is rewriting”: 2 Drafts, 0 Tutorials, 0 Teacher Conference

Rowhani-Rahbar, Ali, et al. “Income Inequality and Firearm Homicide in the US: A County-Level Cohort Study.” Injury Prevention, vol. 25, no. Suppl 1, 2019, pp. i25–i30., https://doi.org/10.1136/injuryprev-2018-043080.

Key quote: “Our findings suggest that policies addressing macrosocial forces such as those which reduce the gap between the rich and the poor (e.g., earned income tax credit, universal basic income) also deserve further considerations to reduce firearm violence” (Rowhani-Rahbar et al. 30).

(Provocative Title) The Correlation Between Socioeconomic Factors and Gun Violence

            (Unity/Topic Sentence) Rowhani-Rahbar and his colleagues decided to extend a study made previously by other researchers to examine the relationship between income inequality and gun violence in the United States. (Adequate Development/Body) It is a known fact that income inequality has been increasing since the 1970s. With this in mind, Rowhani-Rahbar and others have taken in interest in investigating whether or not this factor has affected the recent popularity of gun violence in America. These researchers based their study on creating models, or visual representations, using the Gini Index, a measurement of income inequality, used beforehand by Kennedy and colleagues who investigated gun violence during the years of 1990 to 2000. Taking the study further with more contemporary data from 2005 to 2015, Rowhani-Rahbar et al. collected statistics of firearm homicide rates per county in each state, except for Alaska and Hawaii, from the CDC and categorized the numbers into subgroups based on race and ethnicity. As for data in income equality, a County-Level Deprivation Index was comprised from Census information. The results of this study found that counties with the highest measured income inequality also experienced the highest rates of firearm homicide overall. The reason that Rowhani-Rahbar and his colleagues gave to explain this conclusion has to do with the relationship between community trust and income inequality. Communities with higher income inequality see a decrease in trust among their members. This leads to a loss of social buffers or group memberships such as church groups and community programs that help maintain social order in the community. Therefore, these communities become disorganized and experience more gun violence. (Coherence/Conclusion) Based on these findings, socioeconomic factors should be included for consideration in forming gun policy. 

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Priscilla Laguna

ENG 2105

Dr. Gill

Pro #2 Journal

29 September 2021

“The best writing is rewriting”: 1 Draft, 0 Tutorials, 0 Teacher Conference

Jamieson, Patrick E., and Daniel Romer. "The Association Between the Rise of Gun Violence in Popular US Primetime Television Dramas and Homicides Attributable to Firearms, 2000-2018." PLoS ONE, vol. 16, no. 3, 17 Mar. 2021, p. e0247780. Gale In Context: Opposing Viewpoints, link.gale.com/apps/doc/A655343558/OVIC?u=los53368&sid=bookmark-OVIC&xid=3b6697c4. Accessed 29 Sept. 2021.

Key quote: “The positive relation between relative amount of TV violence involving guns and actual homicides due to firearms, especially among youth, is consistent with the hypothesis that entertainment media are contributing to the normative acceptance of guns for violent purposes” (Jamieson and Romer 1).

(Provocative Title) Monkey See, Monkey Do

            (Unity/Topic Sentence) This article written by Jamieson and Romer argues that the increase of gun violence shown on television is a contributing factor to the increase of violent gun behavior among youths today. (Adequate Development/Body) Before presenting the results of the study, Jamieson and his colleague state their hypothesis that media entertainment plays a big role in the increase of gun violence. The setup of their experiment consisted of choosing a total of 33 television shows among the genres of medical, legal, and police shows and studying them over a period from 2000 to 2018. The researchers came up with a type of tallying system taking note of whether a gun violence was present in each five minute increment of the show’s episodes. They compared the collected data to statistics on homicide rates over the same period from 2000 to 2018 from three different age groups: 15 to 24 years of age, 25 to 34 years of age, and over 35 years of age. As a result, “Gun violence rose from 4.5% in 2000 to 9.0% in 2018” and the frequency of gun violence in television shows increased from 21.1% in 2000 to 33.3% in 2018 (Jamieson and Romer, para. 12, 13). After plotting all of the data points, the overall trend indicated that both gun violence among teens and in television show scenes increased proportionately. The conclusions drawn from these numbers were that television shows have contributed to normalizing the ownership and use of guns to the point that it is more common to find adolescents using them as their preferred method of violence. (Coherence/Conclusion) Although Jamieson and Romer acknowledge that the media may not be the sole cause of gun violence, they argue that it is an important piece to the puzzle.

 

 

Priscilla Laguna

ENG 2105

Dr. Gill

Pro #3 Journal

29 September 2021

“The best writing is rewriting”: 1 Draft, 0 Tutorials, 0 Teacher Conference

Kim, Daniel. “Social Determinants of Health in Relation to Firearm-Related Homicides in the United States: A Nationwide Multilevel Cross-Sectional Study.” PLOS Medicine, vol. 16, no. 12, 2019, https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pmed.1002978.

Key quote: “This study finds that the rich-poor gap, level of citizens' trust in institutions, economic opportunity, and public welfare spending are all related to firearm homicide rates in the US” (Kim, para. 3).

(Provocative Title) An Opposing Relationship between Social Standing and Gun Violence

            (Unity/Topic Sentence) As a researcher form the Department of Health Sciences at Northeastern University in Massachusetts, Daniel Kim based his study on social determinants such as education, public welfare spending, social mobility, and economic opportunity to determine whether these factors have any correlation to homicide shootings taken place during the year 2015. (Adequate Development/Body) Kim begins by explaining the setup of the experimenting referencing the variety of sources used to gather data on each of these social determinants. In order to make sense of these numerical values, Kim applies the data to numerous mathematical models and equations. Analysis of these models led to the conclusion that some of these social determinants have a greater connection with firearm homicide rates than others. Specifically, an increase in welfare spending, institutional social capital, and social mobility had the most direct inverse relationship with gun violence. In comparison with other studies made in the past, another plausible cause of gun violence is the distrust between residents and the local police for protection. This leads to more people acquiring guns for protection and resulting in a higher probability of the use of gun violence for self-defense. One solution that Kim proposes to decrease gun violence in the United States is to implement income policies such as taxing the rich that will allow those with low income to climb higher in respect to the social determinants. (Coherence/Conclusion) In his conclusion, Kim acknowledges that factors that he investigated do not form the complete picture of the underlying causes of gun violence; therefore, further students need to be conducted. 

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Priscilla Laguna

ENG 2105

Dr. Gill

Con #1 Journal

29 September 2021

“The best writing is rewriting”: 1 Draft, 0 Tutorials, 0 Teacher Conference

Metzl, Jonathan M., and Kenneth T. MacLeish. “Mental Illness, Mass Shootings, and the Politics of American Firearms.” American Journal of Public Health, vol. 105, no. 2, Feb. 2015, pp. 240–249., https://doi.org/10.2105/ajph.2014.302242.

Key quote: “Even the US Supreme Court, which in 2008 strongly affirmed a broad right to bear arms, endorsed prohibitions on gun ownership ‘by felons and the mentally ill’ because of their special potential for violence” (Metzl and MacLeish 241).

(Provocative Title) The Psychology Behind Gun Violence

            (Unity/Topic Sentence) In comparison to the other three pro articles mentioned above, Metzl and MacLeish address both sides of the issue by providing reasons why some may argue in opposition to my stance that mental illness is not the sole cause of gun violence followed by evidence that does support my stance. (Adequate Development/Body) The article begins with plausible reasons as to why people conclude that mental illness is behind all types of gun violence. Throughout history, some shooters were showing signs of erratic behavior or even seeing a psychiatrist prior to the shooting events. This has led to both state and federal legislation to implement laws that require psychiatrist to report anyone showing signs of possible violent behavior. For example, the Unites States Supreme Court issued that both criminals and the mentally ill should not be allowed to own guns because of their violent tendency. Intermittently, Metzl and MacLeish add in other scholarly sources that suggest otherwise. For example, historical evidence, especially during the 1960s and 1970s, shows that the misconception of mental illness as the only cause of gun violence is due to racial prejudice and politics.   (Coherence/Conclusion) Although the main standpoint of the authors from this article is in pro with my opinion, they do offer reasons as to why the opposing side would suggest that mental illness causes gun violence.

 

 

Priscilla Laguna

ENG 2105

Dr. Gill

Con #2 Journal

29 September 2021

“The best writing is rewriting”: 1 Draft, 0 Tutorials, 0 Teacher Conference

Swanson, Jeffrey W., et al. “Gun Violence, Mental Illness, and Laws That Prohibit Gun Possession: Evidence from Two Florida Counties.” Health Affairs, vol. 35, no. 6, 2016, pp. 1067–1075., https://doi.org/10.1377/hlthaff.2016.0017.

Key quote: “If gun violence is thought of more broadly as a public health problem that includes suicide,12 then people with serious mental illnesses-and the actions of the behavioral health systems in which many are served-become quite relevant” (Swanson et al., para. 5). 

(Provocative Title) Florida Case Study Correlates Mental Illness with Suicidal Gun Violence

            (Unity/Topic Sentence) Swanson et al. focuses their attention on mental illness as a significant cause in suicide by gun violence. (Adequate Development/Body) The study conducted by Swanson and his colleagues acknowledges that overall, mental illness is not the only factor contributing to homicide gun violence; nevertheless, they conducted an experiment to see whether mental illness plays more direct role in suicidal gun violence. The sample population of the study was comprised of people diagnosed with severe mental illnesses in two counties in Florida over the years of 2002 to 2011. Data was gathered about these individuals that fell into the categories of psychiatric evaluations, civil and criminal court accusations, arrests due to gun violence, incarcerations, and vital records such as date and cause of death. Under Florida’s laws, a person cannot possess a firearm for a court order inpatient hospitalization from a judicial proceeding, a not guilty verdict based on insanity, any indication of incompetency to stand trial, or mental incapacity to handle one’s affairs. With these factors in mind, the result of the experiment found that arrest for violent gun crimes for people who were not prohibited to have a gun were at one point detained under the Florida Mental Health Act of 1971. Individuals who used gun violence as their method of committing suicide had an involuntary hospitalization on suspicions of mental illness. (Coherence/Conclusion) In turn, this information shows that most of the people evaluated in the sample who were detained for evaluation on their mental health were let go without any restriction against their possession of a gun.

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Priscilla Laguna

ENG 2105

Dr. Gill

Con #3 Journal

29 September

“The best writing is rewriting”: 1 Draft, 0 Tutorials, 0 Teacher Conference

Swanson, Jeffrey W. "Redirecting the Mental Health and Gun Violence Conversation from Mass Shootings to Suicide." Psychiatric Services (Washington, D.C.), vol. 69, no. 12, 2018, pp. 1198-1199. ProQuest, http://proxy.library.cpp.edu/login?url=https://www-proquest-com.proxy.library.cpp.edu/scholarly-journals/redirecting-mental-health-gun-violence/docview/2132225031/se-2?accountid=10357, doi:http://dx.doi.org.proxy.library.cpp.edu/10.1176/appi.ps.201800365.

Key quote: “mental health stakeholders should take the lead in bringing suicide to the fore as a crucial, underacknowledged dimension of firearm mortality” (Swanson 1198).

(Provocative Title) Gun Violence Shines the Spotlight on Suicide

            (Unity/Topic Sentence) Swanson’s take on mental illness as the cause of suicidal gun violence is reiterated in this journal article. (Adequate Development/Body) Although he acknowledges that homicide gun violence is not governed only by mental illness, he argues that most suicides involving a gun are the result of a person suffering from mental illness. Swanson quotes statistics that indicate almost 90% of suicide attempts were by means of a gun. The increasingly easy access to guns today in America raises only contributes negatively to the success of these suicides. (Coherence/Conclusion) The proposed solution to reduce the use of gun violence in suicidal individuals who suffer from mental illness is to reduce the facility of obtaining a firearm.

 

 

Priscilla Laguna

ENG 2105

Dr. Gill

Con #3 Journal

18 October 2021

“The best writing is rewriting”: 2 Draft, 0 Tutorials, 0 Teacher Conference

The White House. “Now Is the Time: The President's Plan to Protect Our Children and Our Communities by Reducing Gun Violence.” Whitehouse.gov, 2013, https://obamawhitehouse.archives.gov/sites/default/files/docs/wh_now_is_the_time_full.pdf.

Key quote: “Three-quarters of mental illnesses appear by the age of 24, yet less than half of children with diagnosable mental health problems receive treatment. And several recent mass shootings, including those at Newtown, Tucson, Aurora, and Virginia Tech, were perpetrated by students or other young people” (The White House 13).

(Provocative Title) Federal Government Action Puts an Emphasis on Improving Mental Health

            (Unity/Topic Sentence) This document released from the White House outlines the plan by former President Obama to address gun violence in the United States after the Sand Hook Elementary School shooting in 2012. (Adequate Development/Body) The plan consists of four steps: increase background checks, ban military weapons and high-capacity magazine guns, increase school security, and provide more access to and affordable mental health services. The first two steps focus on putting more strict policies on who can and cannot have access to guns and putting forth monetary initiatives to have more states participate in sharing information consisting of gun crimes. The third step, school security, makes a point that the school’s need to create a safe community built on trust between students, teachers, campus officers, and health workers. The main reason for this is that a well-developed relationship among students and the rest of the school community will help in identifying and addressing as soon as possible any signs of mental illness or mental instability from any student before it turns into anything of grave consequence. Lastly, the White House gives some alarming facts about young ones who are affected by a mental illness do not have access to the help they need. This also extends to the rest of the population. The plan of action that the Obama administration seeks to achieve is to train teachers to identify and help students who are showing sings of mental instability and to implement the Affordable Care Act. This program will require health insurances to cover the costs for patients to receive necessary and quality mental health services. (Coherence/Conclusion) Based on the plan outlined by the Obama administration, there are reasons why people opposing my view would view mental illness as the sole cause of gun violence in America.

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Priscilla Laguna

ENG 2105

Dr. Gill

Prewriting on the topic of gun violence in America

29 September 2021

“The best writing is rewriting”: 1 Draft, 0 Tutorials, 0 Teacher Conference

Step 1: Who is your audience?

My audience is people who are sincerely interested in knowing the underlying causes of gun violence in America. Additionally, those who oppose my viewpoint are included with the opinion that mental illness is the sole cause of gun violence.

 Step 2: What is your purpose?

My purpose is to correct the popular misconception that gun violence is dependent on only one factor, specifically mental illness. I want to broaden my audience’s opinion by convincing them that the causes of gun violence are more complex.   

Step 3: What is your premise?

My premise is that there are other intricate variables other than mental illness that explain the frequency of gun violence in America. These factors include the violence portrayed in the entertainment media has normalized the use of guns, social determinants such as the rich-poor gap and distrust in the police’s ability to provide protection against crime (increasing fear of crime), and easy access to firearms.

Step 4: What is your chosen quotation?

“This study finds that the rich-poor gap, level of citizens' trust in institutions, economic opportunity, and public welfare spending are all related to firearm homicide rates in the US” (Kim 2).

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Priscilla Laguna

ENG 2105

Dr. Gill

Reading Journal: Bree Picower – “Teaching Outside One’s Race”

25 October 2021

“The Best Writing is Re-Writing”: 1 Draft, 0 Tutorials, 0 Teacher Conference

(Provocative Title) First Person Account on the Ebonics Debate

(Unity/Topic Sentence) Bree Picower shares and reflects on her experiences at Prescott Elementary with the goal of clearing up any misunderstanding portrayed in the media about the Ebonics debate. (Adequate Development/Body) The media made the accusation, specifically toward the Oakland school district in California, that teachers replaced teaching students how to read and write in standard English with teaching Ebonics, the cultural language of black students. Picower argues that Ebonics is used as a bridge to ease the mastery of the standard English language. The teachers of Prescott Elementary use the same strategies implemented into any other foreign language course. An important part of learning a foreign language involves the teachers helping the students understand the similarities and differences between their culture and the foreign language’s culture. Picower analyzes four ways in which the teacher at Prescott implemented the Standard English Proficiency (SEP) program in the classroom. The first method derives from a previous study made of the Kipp Academy, which held similar educational goals as Prescott. It was observed that “the culturally specific pedagogical teaching strategies of teachers of color can be taught and adopted by all teachers, regardless of their race or ethnicity” (12). In other words, the benefits of new teachers asking for and applying the advice based on the priceless experiences of veteran teachers surpasses textbook knowledge. Picower lived this fact firsthand when Carrie Secret, an African American teacher with lots of teaching experience, willingly shared strategies and course materials that incorporated her students’ cultures into the course material. The second technique that Picower took note of implied the attitude of the teacher towards each student. In Prescott, it was unthinkable to even remotely consider a student who struggled to learn a subject as a lost cause. Instead, each teacher held the responsibility in providing the student with as many resources and emotional support necessary to help the student reach the same level of understanding as the rest of the class. Third, a student’s ability to learn depends on the close-knit community and friendly relationships between the teachers, students, and the parents. After teaching at Prescott for thirty years, Carrie Secret once taught the parents of the current students. She keeps strengthening her relationship with them by keeping constant communication with the parents about their children’s education. As a rule of thumb at Prescott, a requirement for teachers stipulates that they keep their students for at least two to three years. Secret leads by example as she keeps her students all the way until they finish the sixth grade. Lastly, the development of a great teacher depends on the desire to keep learning. In fact, a teacher is forever a student since he or she learns from other teachers and reads on recent research that explores new methods of pedagogy. Part of this continuous cycle of the learning process involves the development of one’s racial identity. A teacher must understand where he or she stands in the school community. Many new white teachers in Prescott struggled with this because of the uneasiness they feel working in an environment where now they are the minority. It all comes down to acquiring qualities such as humility to learn from the experiences black teachers and to accept their constructive criticism on their teaching methods. (Coherence/Conclusion) Picower herself has been able to reap the benefits of applying the four strategies of asking for help from the more experienced, viewing all students as equally capable to learning course material, creating a close-knit community, and applying any new material that she reads to the classroom environment.

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